WRITTEN BY
D. C. Fontana
DIRECTED BY
Joseph Pevney
AIRED ON
December 1, 1967
RUNTIME
50 minutes
STARRING
VIEWS
219
LAST UPDATE
2024-09-18 13:00:49
PAGE VERSION
Version 5
LIKES
0
DISLIKES
1
SUMMARY
No summary yet.
STORY
No story yet.
BEHIND THE SCENES
No trivia yet.
QUOTES
McCoy: Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator!
Kirk: How did you arrange to touch her, Bones, give her a happy pill?
McCoy: No a right cross.
Kirk: Never seen that in a medical book.
McCoy: It's in mine from now on.
Scott: There's an old, old saying on Earth, Mr. Sulu. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Chekov: I know this saying. It was invented in Russia.
Kirk: The cavalry doesn't come over the hill in the nick of time anymore.
Spock: If by that you mean we can't expect help from the
Enterprise, I must agree.
McCoy: Oochy-woochy coochy-coo. Oochy-woochy coochy-coo.
Spock: Oochy-woochy coochy-coo, Captain?
Kirk: An obscure Earth dialect, Mr. Spock. Oochy-woochy coochy-coo. If you're curious, consult linguistics.
FILMING LOCATIONS
TOPICS
No topics yet.
REVIEWS
As bad as the costumes
Written by
Pike on 2020-05-07
★
RED SHIRT
The beginning of the episode is quite bad. The crew beams down onto a planet and one of the red shirts sees a Klingon and instantly takes out his gun: "A Klingon!!" before immediately being killed. I guess I'll need to buy one of these red shirts, but will never wear it on any other planet.
RIDICULOUS
Once again, a pretty bad episode from the second season. The costumes are totally ridiculous and the story equally bad.
SLAPS
There is also a scene in which McCoy slaps a woman (after she slaps him twice). Just really bad.
VERDICT
I give it 1 out of 5. Very bad.
TRANSCRIPT
[Briefing room]
MCCOY: They're quite large. Seven feet tall is not unusual. They're extremely fast and strong. Lieutenant?
(Uhura turns on a monitor) Make no mistake. They can be highly dangerous. The Capellans' basic weapon, the kligat. At any distance up to a hundred yards, they can make it almost as effective against a man as a phaser.
(On the monitor, we see McCoy being given a demonstration in which a small sapling is cut in half by one of these hand-thrown objects.)
MCCOY: In addition, an assortment of swords and knives.
UHURA: Call from the bridge, Captain.
SULU [OC]: Bridge, Helm, sir.
KIRK: Yes, Mister Sulu. Report.
SULU [on monitor]: Now in standard orbit, sir. I've pinpointed their encampment below.
KIRK: Very good. Have the transporter room stand by.
SULU [on monitor]: Aye, sir.
SCOTT: How long were you stationed on the planet, Doctor?
MCCOY: Only a few months. We found them totally uninterested in medical aid or hospitals. They believe only the strong should survive.
KIRK: Analysis, gentlemen.
SPOCK: Ordinarily, under these circumstances, I would recommend a large, well-armed landing party.
KIRK: Yes, but in this case, with the more people we take down, the greater chance we have of violating one of their taboos.
MCCOY: Agreed. Once they've got it into their heads we're showing force, you can forget them signing any mining treaty.
KIRK: Very well. Scotty, you're in command. Bear in mind that the Klingons have been sighted in this sector. While we're negotiating down there, we don't want the Enterprise to become an incident up here.
SCOTT: Aye, sir. We'll keep on our toes.
[Settlement]
(Kirk, Spock, McCoy and one security guard beam down.)
MAAB: Halt! You are of the Earth vessel?
KIRK: I'm Captain Kirk.
MCCOY: We come with open hearts and hands.
GRANT: A Klingon!
KIRK: Grant, no!
(Too late. A Capellan kills him with a kligat.)
MCCOY: Don't move a muscle.
Captain's log, stardate 3497.2. Planet Capella Four. The rare mineral topaline, vital to the life-support systems of planetoid colonies, has been discovered in abundance here. Our mission, obtain a mining agreement. But we've discovered a Klingon agent has preceded us to the planet. A discovery which has cost the life of one of my crewmen.
[Settlement]
KRAS: I am unaware of any state of war between our peoples, Captain.
MCCOY: Jim!
KRAS: Or is it your policy to kill Klingons on sight?
KIRK: He was young, and inexperienced.
MCCOY: Does Maab know that the Klingons are our sworn enemies by their own words?
MAAB: We understand only that he also offers things of value for our rocks, and he has freely handed us his weapons and other devices. Will you do the same?
KIRK: Let me call my ship and inform them
KRAS: To bring down an attack upon their village? It is as I told you, Maab. Earthmen fear to bargain honestly.
MAAB: Will you hand us your weapons?
(Phasers and communicators are thrown down at Maab's feet.)
[Tent]
(Traces of bedouin-style, with low furniture, plenty of furs and a metal brazier providing warmth and light. There are two guards outside.)
KIRK: So they keep their word scrupulously. They're unusually honest. Is that what I heard you say, Doctor?
MCCOY: Yes, I mentioned that.
SPOCK: He also mentioned that they can be highly dangerous.
KIRK: Dangerous if lied to, if their customs are violated. We lied to no one, Doctor. We violated no customs. Perhaps you'll explain to me why one of my men is dead.
MCCOY: Because he was drawing a weapon on another of their guests.
KIRK: Grant looked up, saw a Klingon, made a purely instinctive defensive move. What's a Klingon doing down here among your scrupulously honest friends anyway?
MCCOY: Look, Jim. I know what it means to you to lose a crewman.
KIRK: That's only one down, Doctor. There's over four hundred more up there in orbit. And if there's a Klingon down here, there might be a Klingon ship up there somewhere.
[Bridge]
CHEKOV: Mister Scott. I'm picking up something on the sensors, sir. Seems to be another ship.
SCOTT: Well, let's put it on the screen.
(A small dot on the monitor above the science station.)
CHEKOV: It's just at the edge of our sensor range, sir. Hard to get an exact reading.
SULU: You think it's a Klingon ship?
SCOTT: Who else would be playing cat and mouse with a starship? Well, they can't hurt us much out there, bobbing about like that. No need to call the captain yet.
[Tent]
KIRK: Bones.
MCCOY: Yes, Captain?
KIRK: I shouldn't have chewed you out. I'm sorry.
MCCOY: I understand.
SPOCK: Inefficient, however. Emotion, Captain.
KIRK: Yes, you're quite right, Mister Spock. Inefficient and illogical.
(A woman enters with a large bowl of fruit.)
MCCOY: You've shown friendship by handing over our weapons. She's making a gesture in return.
(She offers Kirk a piece.)
MCCOY: Jim! You touch it, her nearest male relative will have to try to kill you. They're offering you a chance for combat. They consider it more pleasurable than love.
MAN: Chur-ah.
SPOCK: It would appear, Captain, that he finds you a disappointment.
[Teer's tent]
(A middle-aged man sits on a throne, surrounded by his guards.)
AKAAR: I am the teer Akaar. I lead the Ten Tribes of Capella.
(A heavily pregnant woman enters and sits.)
AKAAR: And this is Eleen, a young wife to give an old man a son to rule these tribes.
KIRK: I'm Captain Kirk. First of all, I must protest the killing of my crewman.
AKAAR: If it was your man, wasn't it his privilege to die for you? I do not understand.
MAAB: Their customs are different, Teer.
KRAS: And different from those of my people, too, Teer. The sight of death frightens them.
MCCOY: Let me take this, Jim. What Maab has said is true. Our customs are different. What the Klingon has said is unimportant, and we do not hear his words. I just called the Klingon a liar.
MAAB: Laughter, Teer? Is not the Klingon an honoured guest also?
AKAAR: It was the Earth people who first bargained for our rocks.
MAAB: Is it not best to have two who bargain for the same goods?
AKAAR: It is I who speak for the tribe, Maab.
MAAB: I speak for many, Teer. Hear the words of the Klingon.
KRAS: What do Earth men offer you? What have you obtained from them in the past? Powders and liquids for the sick? We Klingons believe as you do. The sick should die. Only the strong should live. Earthmen have promised to teach the youth of your tribes many things. What? What things? Cleverness against enemies? The use of weapons?
ELEEN: The Klingon speaks the truth, Akaar.
KIRK: The Earth Federation offers one other thing, Akaar. Our laws. And the highest of all our laws states that your world is yours and will always remain yours. This differs us from the Klingons. Their empire is made up of conquered worlds. They take what they want by arms and force.
MAAB: Good, good. Let the Klingons and the Earthmen offer us amusement. Capellans welcome this.
AKAAR: The Earth men have different customs, but never have they lied to our people.
MAAB: There are those of us who won't bargain with Earthmen, Akaar.
AKAAR: Do you say you will fight me, Maab?
MAAB: Let that be your choice, Teer.
(Maab, Kras and the Orange man leave.)
KIRK: We need our communicators, those devices on our belts. If there's a Klingon ship somewhere
AKAAR: The sky does not interest me. I must consider the words I have heard.
ELEEN: Leave him.
[Bridge]
CHEKOV: The ship's disappeared, sir. Gone out of range.
UHURA: Mister Scott, I'm getting a call from a vessel. It's so faint I can't make it out.
SCOTT: Put a booster on it, Lieutenant. Try to pull it in.
UHURA: I've lost it. It sounded like a distress signal from an Earth vessel.
[Settlement]
(There is a big fight going on, and Kirk joins in when a Capellan comes to their tent. Maab and Akaar's factions are fighting each other. Kras takes the opportunity to search the landing party's tent.)
[Tent]
KIRK: Klingon! Communicators, weapons.
KRAS: I have no quarrel with you, Captain. I wish merely to return to my vessel.
(He grabs a knife and lunges at Kirk, who throws him easily and turns the weapon on the Klingon.)
KIRK: Type of vessel. Location.
KRAS: A small scout ship, Captain. We need the mineral, too. I was sent to negotiate.
MAAB: Release him. (Kirk does so.) Akaar is dead. I am the teer.
KRAS: Kill them now.
KIRK: Wait. If you lead these people now, be certain you make the right decisions.
KRAS: Is the new leader of the Ten Tribes afraid? Let me kill him for you.
KIRK: Or let the Klingon and me fight. It might amuse you.
MAAB: Perhaps to be a teer is to see in new ways. I begin to like you, Earthman, and I saw fear in the Klingon's eye.
KRAS: We had an agreement.
MAAB: That too may change, Klingon.
[Bridge]
UHURA: I have the signal clear now, Mister Scott. It is a distress call. It's from the SS Dierdre.
SCOTT: Dierdre? That's a freighter.
UHURA: Reporting they're under attack. They're running, trying to manoeuvre. It's a Klingon vessel attacking.
SCOTT: Helm?
SULU: Picking it up, sir. Taking a fix.
SCOTT: Try the captain.
UHURA: Enterprise to Captain Kirk. Come in, Captain. Enterprise to Captain Kirk. Come in, Captain.
[Teer's tent]
(Eleen is brought in. One of Maab's guards trips her with his sword, and she burns her hand the brazier. Kirk moves to help, but)
MCCOY: Captain, careful.
MAAB: You carry a child who would be teer.
ELEEN: I must die.
(Maab raises his knife, and Kirk pulls her away.
KIRK: No!
(There's a fight. Starfleet loses.)
MAAB: No man may touch the wife of a teer.
KRAS: She was prepared to die, Earthman.
ELEEN: I was proud to obey the laws. Kill him first. He laid hands upon me. It is my right to see him die.
[Bridge]
UHURA: Enterprise to Mister Spock. Doctor McCoy, come in please.
CHEKOV: I have it on the sensors, sir. Tie into my channel, Lieutenant.
VOICE [OC]: Commanding. We are under heavy attack by Klingon vessels. Two convoy ships are already damaged. We must have help. Enterprise, acknowledge. Please acknowledge. Repeat
SULU: Interception course computed and laid in, sir.
SCOTT: Prepare to take us out of orbit, Mister Sulu.
SULU: Aye, sir.
UHURA: Scotty, the captain.
SCOTT: We have a distress call from a Federation ship under attack. That's where our duty lies. Take us out of orbit, Mister Sulu. Ahead warp five.
Captain's log, stardate 3498.9. Lieutenant Commander Scott in temporary command.
[Bridge]
SCOTT: We were forced to leave Capella to aid a Federation vessel under attack by a Klingon vessel. We were unable to contact our landing party before we were forced to answer the distress signal. Our inability to reach the landing party is strange and I am concerned.
[Tent]
(Eleen is with the three men, and the guards are now inside the doorway.)
SPOCK: Our check-in signal is one hour, twelve minutes overdue. Since no reconnaissance party has appeared, and since Mister Scott is notably efficient in such matters
KIRK: I must assume that something's keeping them busy up there. The Klingon ship.
SPOCK: That would seem a logical conclusion.
MCCOY: Captain, I'm going to fix that woman's arm. They can only kill me once for touching her.
KIRK: That's a very good idea, Bones.
SPOCK: Yes, Captain, an excellent idea.
MCCOY: Let me see that arm.
ELEEN: You will not touch me.
(The guards are distracted by McCoy and Eleen, so Kirk and Spock overpower them while McCoy keeps her quiet.)
KIRK: (knife at her throat) You said you're prepared to die. Does that mean you'd prefer to die? I think we can get you safely to the ship. Your choice. Bones.
ELEEN: To live is always desirable.
KIRK: All right. Let's go.
[Settlement]
(Maab is sitting on his throne out in the fresh air as Kras paces near him.)
MAAB: Klingon. There's nothing to concern you there.
KRAS: We made an agreement, Maab. I have a right to my weapons.
MAAB: (taking a disrupter from under his cloak) We have them well cared for, Klingon. Your weapon will be returned when our business is completed. That was our agreement.
[Bridge]
SULU: Approaching the freighter's last reported position, sir.
SCOTT: Sensor report, Mister Chekov.
CHEKOV: Negative, sir. No debris, no residual particles, no traces.
SCOTT: Mister Sulu, begin a standard search pattern. All scanners full intensity, Mister Chekov. (to Uhura) No signal at all?
UHURA: Negative, sir.
CHEKOV: It should be on our screens by now.
SULU: At best, a freighter might travel warp two.
SCOTT: I'm well aware of a freighter's maximum speed, Mister Sulu.
Captain's log, stardate 3499.1. Before leaving the Capellan encampment, we managed to retrieve our communicators. Our phasers were not to be found. We've fled into the hills, yet we know the Capellans will eventually find us by scent alone, if necessary. And we've learned one thing more. The girl, Eleen, hates the unborn child she is carrying.
[Hillside]
(It is, of course, a place with plenty of rocks and cliff faces.)
KIRK: Stay with her, Bones. Nice place to get trapped in.
SPOCK: But a defensible entrance, Captain.
KIRK: Yes, I see. Scout up the trail that way. See what we have in the way of an exit. I'll take a look around.
MCCOY: Now listen, you may be a Capellan woman and the widow of a high teer, but I'm a doctor, and it's my tradition to care for the sick and injured. Now, let me see that arm.
(She does, and he treats the burn. Meanwhile, Kirk spots the posse coming after them.)
(McCoy scans Eleen's belly, then puts his hand on it.)
ELEEN: You will not touch me in that manner.
MCCOY: You listen to me, young woman. I'll touch you in any way or manner that my professional judgment indicates.
(She slaps his face, twice, so he slaps her in return.)
MCCOY: Just as I thought. It can come anytime now.
ELEEN: How do you know?
MCCOY: Because I'm a doctor, that's how I know.
ELEEN: Even the women of our village cannot tell so much with a touch. Strange hand. Very soft.
(Spock and Kirk meet up.)
SPOCK: The walls get higher and narrower, but there is a way out.
KIRK: Good. If we could block off that entrance, hold them off, it'd give us more time. They'd have to go around these hills.
SPOCK: There is enough loose rock and shale.
KIRK: Do you think we could create a sonic disruption with two of our communicators?
SPOCK: Only a very slight chance it would work.
KIRK: Well, if you don't think we can, maybe we shouldn't try.
SPOCK: Captain, I didn't say that exactly.
(The Capellans are getting close to the canyon entrance.)
SPOCK: The sound beams should produce a sympathetic vibration on the weak area of that slide.
(The party is led by Maab, who senses something is wrong but keeps coming forward until the rock face explodes. Kras hides but other Capellans are crushed by the falling boulders. When the dust starts to clear, Kras takes the Federation phasers from a wounded Capellan then kills him with his own knife. The remaining members of the posse move on.)
KIRK: Worried about the delivery?
MCCOY: Capellans aren't human, Jim. They're humanoid. There's certain internal differences. I don't have equipment to handle an emergency.
KIRK: Well, if you don't think you can handle it
MCCOY: Forget it. I can do it. The last thing I want around is a ham-handed ship's captain.
(They continue their climb up the canyon. It is steep and Eleen is struggling. Kirk goes to help.)
ELEEN: No! Only McCoy.
KIRK: There's a cave in there. Probably the only shelter around here.
MCCOY: I'll need help getting her in there.
ELEEN: No!
MCCOY: Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator! Spock, give me a hand!
ELEEN: No! I will allow only your touch.
[Bridge]
SCOTT: A vessel doesn't just disappear.
UHURA: There's nothing, Mister Scott. All channels and frequencies are clear.
SCOTT: Mister Chekov?
CHEKOV: Nothing, sir. If it were destroyed, I'd pick up debris readings of some sort.
SULU: It couldn't have run away from us, sir. Not a freighter.
SCOTT: Mister Chekov, pull the microtape on that distress call. I want it replayed.
VOICE [OC]: Commanding. We are under heavy attack by Klingon vessels. Two convoy ships are already damaged. We must have help.
Enterprise, acknowledge. Please acknowledge.
SCOTT: Did you hear it? They called us by name. Not a general distress signal, but one aimed right at us.
SULU: Wouldn't they normally call for the nearest starship?
SCOTT: How would a freighter know we were ordered into this sector?
SULU: A trap. We were diverted from the planet.
UHURA: Or it could be an authentic distress call.
SCOTT: We'll stay long enough to make certain. Continue search pattern.
SULU: Yes, sir. Continuing.
[Cave]
(Dark, with convenient flat-topped rocks studding the smooth floor.)
KIRK: Bones, you've got one of those magnesite-nitron tablets in your kit. Give me one.
MCCOY: Just a minute. Let me get her on the rock. There you go.
(Kirk puts the tablet on a rock and hits it with his knife. It bursts into flame and the whole cave is illuminated. Eleen is in pain.)
ELEEN: No, no. Pain is here.
KIRK: How did you arrange to touch her, Bones, give her a happy pill?
MCCOY: No a right cross.
KIRK: Never seen that in a medical book.
MCCOY: It's in mine from now on.
ELEEN: No, no. It's there. The The pain is there.
[Cave entrance]
KIRK: Vegetation, Captain. Evidently there's water nearby.
KIRK: Good, but we need weapons just as much as we need water, Spock.
SPOCK: There would seem to be little weapon potential at hand.
KIRK: Follow me.
[Cave]
ELEEN: No! McCoy!
MCCOY: Easy, easy. I'm here. Now you must want the child!
ELEEN: No. Here, child belongs to husband.
MCCOY: So they take all the credit here. Poppycock! Answer me. Do you want my help? Answer me. Do you want my help? (she nods) All right. Say to yourself, The child is mine. The child is mine. It is mine!
ELEEN: Yes, it's yours.
MCCOY: No, no. You've got it all wrong.
ELEEN: Yes, McCoy. It's yours.
MCCOY: No. Say to yourself, The child is mine. It is mine. It is
(But she has made up her mind, and the child is coming anyway.)
[Cave entrance]
KIRK: Kirk to Enterprise. Come in. Kirk to Enterprise. Come in.
(He gives up and tests a bow they have made.)
SPOCK: Fortunately, this bark has suitable tensile cohesion.
KIRK: You mean it makes a good bowstring.
SPOCK: I believe I said that.
(A baby cries offscreen.)
KIRK: That's more like it. Since the Capellans never developed the bow, this may come as big a surprise as gunpowder was on Earth.
(A beaming McCoy comes to summon the men back indoors.)
[Cave]
(The new-born is proudly shown off by the Doctor, then handed to Spock, who has no idea how to cradle it.)
MCCOY: No, no, Mister Spock. You place this arm under here to support its back, and this hand here to support its head.
SPOCK: I would rather, I would rather not. Thank you.
ELEEN: McCoy. Bring our child.
KIRK: Our child?
MCCOY: I'll explain later.
SPOCK: That should prove very interesting.
[Bridge]
SULU: Still negative, Mister Scott. All sweeps.
SCOTT: Mister Chekov?
CHEKOV: Nothing.
SCOTT: We're turning back. Warp five, Helm.
SULU: Warp five, sir. On course for Capella Four.
SCOTT: Warp 6 as soon as she'll take it, Mister Sulu. The captain could be in trouble back there.
UHURA: Mister Scott, another distress call from the USS Carolina.
SCOTT: Ignore it.
UHURA: The Carolina is registered in this sector.
SCOTT: Ignore it, Lieutenant. Log it as my order, my responsibility.
UHURA: Aye, aye, sir.
SULU: Scotty, if it should turn out to be real
SCOTT: There's an old, old saying on Earth, Mister Sulu. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
CHEKOV: I know this saying. It was invented in Russia. (he smirks to himself)
[Cave]
(Eleen knocks out the sleeping McCoy and leaves.)
[Cave entrance]
(Atop the rocks, Kirk and Spock are keeping lookout for the Capellans when McCoy wakes.)
MCCOY: Jim! Spock! Jim! Spock!
KIRK: What happened, Bones?
MCCOY: My patient spattered me with a rock. She's gone.
SPOCK: The child?
MCCOY: It's all right. It's in there. I guess I'll forget psychiatry, stick with surgery. I really thought she'd learned to want it.
SPOCK: Virtue is a relative term, Doctor. She'll head straight to the warriors.
MCCOY: I'll go with you.
KIRK: Bones, you took a medical oath long before you signed aboard my ship. That small patient in there needs you.
[Bridge]
SCOTT: Estimating to planet?
SULU: Thirty one minutes, sir.
CHEKOV: Mister Scott? Sensors picking up a vessel ahead, cutting across our path.
SCOTT: Sub-light one half.
SULU: Reversing to sub-light, one half.
CHEKOV: It's an alien, sir. By configuration a Klingon warship. Taking position directly in our path.
SCOTT: Mister Sulu, sound battle stations.
SULU: Aye, aye, sir.
UHURA: This is the USS Enterprise calling unidentified Klingon vessel. Come in. USS Enterprise calling Klingon vessel. Acknowledge, please.
SULU: I have it on the viewscreen now, sir. Still distant. Holding a position dead ahead, sir.
SCOTT: Drawing a line, daring us to step over it.
SULU: Still closing. The alien's directly in our line of flight.
SCOTT: This is the commander of the USS Enterprise. Identify yourself and your intention. Acknowledge. Close out the frequency, Lieutenant.
SULU: Phaser banks are ready, sir.
SCOTT: And we'll go right down their throat, if necessary. Let's see if they have the belly for it.
[Hillside]
(Kirk and Spock are lying in wait for the Capellans, who are travelling single file. Maab stops the column and sends a scout ahead.)
KEEL: Behind the rocks up there.
MAAB: The Earthmen make excellent game. Their cleverness has surprised me.
KRAS: (slightly out of breath) They must die. That is your law.
MAAB: We will honour our law, and our word to you, Klingon.
KEEL: Maab.
ELEEN: The child is dead, Maab. Do as you will with me.
KEEL: The Earthmen?
ELEEN: Dead. I killed them as they slept.
KRAS: If true, take us to them.
ELEEN: Do you doubt my word, Klingon? I'm the wife of a teer. I will die in my own tent.
MAAB: It is in order. She is the wife of a teer. (Kras runs off.) No!
KRAS: First, we'll verify her story.
MAAB: Is this what your sworn word means, Klingon?
(Kirk shoots an arrow into Kras' knee. A kligat is thrown, and Spock shoots the thrower. Kirk downs another. Eleen runs for the Klingon's phaser but he picks it up first and uses it to blast at Spock's hiding place.)
KIRK: Spock. Spock!
SPOCK: Here, Captain. Over here, Captain. (into communicator as Kirk joins him.) Spock to Enterprise.
KIRK: The cavalry doesn't come over the hill in the nick of time anymore.
SPOCK: If by that you mean we can't expect help from the Enterprise, I must agree.
MAAB: Naam.
(But Kras disintegrates him before he can throw his kligat)
KIRK: There's just one thing I want.
SPOCK: The Klingon?
KIRK: One of us must get him.
SPOCK: Revenge, Captain?
KIRK: Why not?
KRAS: The next man who raises a weapon destroys all of you. You and your primitive knives and your weapons, I'll teach you what killing really means.
KIRK: Klingon!
ELEEN: Fight! Are you warriors or children? Maab, I will flee. When the Klingon turns to fire, I'll
MAAB: (drawing his knife) As teer of the Ten Tribes, I give you back your life. Mine is now forfeit. Keel, stand ready.
(Maab walks forward, arms out to the side.)
MAAB: Klingon!
(Kras disintegrates him, and Keel throws his kligat, killing Kras. The two factions gather at the body. Then a bunch of red-shirts run around the corner.)
SCOTT: Hold it there. Drop your weapons.
(McCoy arrives carrying the baby, and Eleen goes to him.)
KIRK: We missed you, Mister Scott.
SCOTT: Well sir, we had a wee bit of a run-in with a Klingon vessel, but he had no stomach for fighting. We checked the encampment, found out you were here, and had no trouble at all in tracking you down. I could
(He is interrupted by the baby crying.)
MCCOY: No, that's not the way to handle it. Here, like this. Here, take his little head like that. There, arm in a. That's it. See how easy? Oochy-woochy coochy-coo. Oochy-woochy coochy-coo.
SPOCK: Oochy-woochy coochy-coo, Captain?
KIRK: An obscure Earth dialect, Mister Spock. Oochy-woochy coochy-coo. If you're curious, consult linguistics.
SPOCK: Well, at any rate, this should prove interesting.
KIRK: Interesting?
SPOCK: When the woman starts explaining how the new high teer is actually Doctor McCoy's child.
SCOTT: What's that again, Mister Spock?
KIRK: We don't actually understand it ourselves, Mister Scott.
SPOCK: Nor does Doctor McCoy.
Oochy-woochy coochy-coo. Oochy-woochy coochy-coo.
[Bridge]
KIRK: Contact Starfleet. Inform them the Federation mining rights on Capella have been secured by treaty, documents signed by the young high chief's regent. Report follows.
UHURA: Aye, aye, sir.
SPOCK: The child's regent?
KIRK: Yes, Eleen. Remarkable young lady.
MCCOY: Representing the high teer, Leonard James Akaar.
SPOCK: The child was named Leonard James Akaar?
MCCOY: Has a kind of a ring to it, don't you think, James?
KIRK: Yes. I think it's a name destined to go down in galactic history, Leonard. What do you think, Spock?
SPOCK: I think you're both going to be insufferably pleased with yourselves for at least a month, sir.
KIRK: Take us out of orbit, Mister Sulu. Ahead warp factor one.
2024-09-18 13:00:49 -
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