DIRECTED BY
AIRED ON
November 2, 1992
RUNTIME
45 minutes
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VIEWS
154
LAST UPDATE
2024-09-12 00:31:41
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Version 1
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SUMMARY
Stardate: 46235.7. A transporter accident transforms Picard, Ro Laren, Guinan and Keiko O'Brien into small children who appear to be about 12 years old. Matters are complicated when the Ferengi seize the Enterprise.
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Lil'Starfleet
Written by
kimmy on 2019-05-31
★
★
★
A transporter malfunction converts crew members into kids! Picard struggles with projecting the gravitas of The Captain. With Guinan’s help, Ro Laren reluctantly gets to relive the childhood she never got the chance to experience the first time around. Keiko is awkward with O’Brien given their age difference and their baby. They even all work with Alexander and save the ship when Ferengi invade and don’t pay as much attention to these kids. This is all good fun! I particularly liked the young actresses for Guinan and Ro, but it’s tough to portray Picard (the actor is actually the same as nephew René in season 4’s Family!). The episode plays around with the “adults in kids’ bodies†concept, but despite some talk of DNA analyses the whole thing is absurd and un-scientific even for Star Trek. Perhaps the episode could have taken even more risks to make it really memorable.
The quote:
Ro: “Well, I should be doing something, instead of just standing around, waiting for them to find a cure!â€
Guinan: “You’re right. Let’s go play.â€
Alumni-spotting:
Mike Gomez, one of the Ferengi, was the Puerto Rican alien abductee Jorge in The X-Files‘ Little Green Men (the first episode I ever saw!).
TRANSCRIPT
Captain's log, stardate 46235.7 Ensign Ro, Keiko O'Brien, Guinan and I are returning to the Enterprise after a fascinating visit to the planet Marlonia.
[Shuttlecraft]
PICARD: And I found these pieces in the tertiary level of the dig. They're typical of second century Marlonian cookware. Look at those markings. They're very similar to early Taguan designs, but the patterns are more intricate, they're much closer to Buranian than Taguan.
GUINAN: You were on the most beautiful planet in the quadrant and you spent your entire shore leave in a cave?
PICARD: It was a very rewarding experience. Look at these fragments. They're very nearly in perfect condition and yet they're seven hundred years old.
GUINAN: So's my father.
RO: Is that a Draebidium froctus?
(Keiko has a tray of plants on her lap)
KEIKO: Actually, it's a Draebidium calimus. You can tell by the shape of the leaves. I didn't know you were interested in plant biology.
RO: I took a class at the Academy. I Don't remember very much though.
WORF [OC]: Enterprise to shuttlecraft Fermi.
RO: This is the Fermi. Go ahead Enterprise.
WORF [OC]: We have just received a distress signal from the Starfleet science team on Ligos Seven.
PICARD: Can you identify the problem?
WORF [OC]: No, sir. The call was cut off in mid-transmission.
PICARD: Lay in a course and prepare to engage at warp eight as soon as we're on board.
WORF [OC]: Aye, sir.
RO: We'll rendezvous with the ship in three minutes, sir.
(but then they enter a blue swirly thing)
RO: We're caught in some kind of energy field.
PICARD: Hard about, full impulse.
RO: Aye, sir.
[Bridge]
RIKER: What's happening, Mister Worf?
WORF: The shuttle has been enveloped by an energy field. It's engines and life support have failed.
RIKER: Increase to full impulse. Bridge to Transporter room three. Prepare to beam the shuttle crew back once we're in range.
O'BRIEN [OC]: Ready, sir.
[Shuttlecraft]
RO: I can't contact the Enterprise. There's too much interference.
PICARD: Transfer auxiliary power to the inertial dampers.
COMPUTER: Warning. Structural failure imminent.
[Bridge]
RIKER: Have you got them, O'Brien?
O'BRIEN [OC]: I'm trying, sir.
[Transporter room]
O'BRIEN: I can't get a pattern lock.
RIKER [OC]: The shuttle is
[Bridge]
RIKER: Coming apart, Chief. We've got to do it now.
[Transporter room]
O'BRIEN: I've got them. There's a forty percent drop in mass.
[Bridge]
O'BRIEN [OC]: I may have lost one of them.
[Transporter room]
(Four children dressed the same as the shuttle occupants appear. The tall skinny youth in Starfleet uniform, with a healthy crop of hair, speaks)
PICARD JR: Thank you, Mister O'Brien. Another moment and
(he stops, startled by his own high-pitched voice, and looks at his diminutive companions. Gulp.)
[Sickbay]
CRUSHER: According to the bioscans, their DNA structure is now consistent with those of preadolescence. But as far as we can tell, only their bodies were changed.
TROI: Their individual intelligence and their behavioural responses are exactly the same as they were before the accident.
PICARD JR: What happened to the shuttlecraft, Number One?
RIKER: The shuttle broke up just after we beamed you out. Mister Data is coordinating the salvage efforts now. Sir.
CRUSHER: What about the energy field the shuttle passed through?
RIKER: We've trying to scan it, but it's we're running into lot of interference. It's going to take some time.
PICARD JR: We can't afford to stay here any longer. We'll leave a class four probe behind to study the energy field but the distress signal from Ligos Seven has top priority. Let me know as soon as you have any further information, Doctor. Number One, you're with me.
CRUSHER: Captain, I need to run some additional tests.
PICARD JR: Of course. The three of you will remain as needed to assist Doctor Crusher.
(Riker and Picard leave)
RO JR: What?
GUINAN JR: You know, you make a pretty cute kid.
RO JR: Great. Just what I want to be. Cute.
GUINAN JR: Were you this much fun when you were a kid?
RO JR: I was in a refugee camp. Fun wasn't exactly in my vocabulary.
GUINAN JR: What about now? You're not in that camp anymore.
RO JR: Fun is being back at work in my own uniform.
[Turbolift]
PICARD JR: Bridge.
[Bridge]
PICARD JR: Mister Worf. Prepare to launch a class four probe to study the energy field.
(everyone just stares)
PICARD JR: I realise how unusual this must seem. My appearance is the result of an accident, involving myself and three other crew members, the effects of which Doctor Crusher is currently working to remedy. I assure you I am Captain Picard.
(Riker gives a nod)
WORF: The probe. Aye, sir.
PICARD JR: Mister Data, have you secured all of the shuttle debris?
DATA: Almost. It is being stored in shuttlebay two. Sir.
PICARD JR: Very well. Ensign, as soon as Mister Data is finished take us to Ligos at warp eight.
CRUSHER: Captain, may I see you privately for a few moments?
PICARD JR: Of course.
[Ready room]
PICARD JR: Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. Have you been able to determine the cause of our transformation?
CRUSHER: Not yet. I'm still waiting for some test results.
PICARD JR: I see. There are one hundred and three members of the science team on Ligos Seven. We should prepare shuttlebay three for a triage centre in case they have large numbers of casualties.
CRUSHER: We'll be ready.
PICARD JR: I see that Ligos Seven is prone to periodic volcanic activity. Perhaps the planet has entered an active phase.
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc. We need to talk.
PICARD JR: All right. Let's talk. Are you here to relieve me of duty?
CRUSHER: I'd rather not have to take that step.
PICARD JR: I am still Jean-Luc Picard. My judgement, my experiences, my mental capacities are all intact.
CRUSHER: That's true, for now. But this could be the first stage of a condition that may begin to affect your mind as well.
PICARD JR: But you see no evidence of that.
CRUSHER: Not yet. What I do know is that the Captain of this ship has undergone an extreme physical transformation, the ultimate effects of which I can't even begin to guess.
PICARD JR: You are asking me to step down.
CRUSHER: You are still Jean-Luc Picard. What do you think you should do?
[Bridge]
PICARD JR: Commander Riker, please take command of the ship until further notice.
RIKER: Understood.
[Corridor]
RO JR: So what the hell am I supposed to do now?
GUINAN JR: You're not supposed to do anything. That's what relieved of duty means.
RO JR: Well, I should be doing something instead of just standing around waiting for them to find a cure.
GUINAN JR: You're right. Let's go play.
RO JR: What?
GUINAN JR: I haven't been young for a long time and I intend to enjoy every minute of it.
RO JR: Fine. Enjoy yourself.
GUINAN JR: What are you going to do? Go back to your room and pout?
RO JR: I am not twelve years old. If I want to go to my quarters and contemplate my situation, that does not mean that I am pouting.
GUINAN JR: Okay, okay.
[O'Brien quarters]
(Keiko wants the mister from an upper shelf, and has to stand on a box to get it before she can spray the orchid)
O'BRIEN: I could use a cup of coffee. How about you?
KEIKO JR: I'll get it. Two coffees. One with cream and sugar, the other
O'BRIEN: Black, double sweet
KEIKO JR: I know. One double sweet.
O'BRIEN: Careful, that's hot.
KEIKO JR: Miles.
O'BRIEN: Sorry.
(She snuggles up to his and he gets up and walks away)
KEIKO JR: What's wrong?
O'BRIEN: It's. I don't know, but this feels wrong somehow.
KEIKO JR: Miles Edward O'Brien, I am still your wife.
O'BRIEN: Well technically, yes.
KEIKO JR: Technically?
O'BRIEN: No. I mean, of course you're my wife. But you're also ten years old.
KEIKO JR: Beverly said it's actually closer to twelve.
O'BRIEN: That's not the point.
KEIKO JR: So what is the point? Is our marriage over?
O'BRIEN: I didn't say that. But until they find a way to reverse this, this effect, it's going hard for me to ignore the fact that you're a little girl.
KEIKO JR: What if they can't find a way? What if I'm like this the rest of my life? What does that mean for us, for our family?
MOLLY [OC]: Mommy? Mommy.
[Molly's bedroom]
O'BRIEN: What's wrong, Sweetheart?
MOLLY: I want Mommy to read me a story.
KEIKO JR: All right. What story would you like to hear?
MOLLY: Not you. I want Mommy.
(Keiko leaves)
O'BRIEN: What if Daddy reads you a story tonight? Will that be okay? I'll be right back.
[O'Brien quarters]
O'BRIEN: Keiko. It's going to be all right. I promise. We'll work this out.
KEIKO JR: How?
O'BRIEN: I don't know.
First Officer's log, supplemental. The Enterprise has reached the Ligos system, and we have begun to search for the missing Federation science team. Doctor Crusher reports no progress on a cure for the members of the shuttle crew.
[Picard's quarters]
(Picard is enjoying running his fingers through his hair again, and puts on the jacket when the doorbell rings)
PICARD JR: Come.
TROI: I came to see how you're doing.
PICARD JR: I'll have to speak to my tailor, but otherwise I'm well, thank you. It's just so ridiculous. I can't really take myself seriously like this. Counsellor, if Doctor Crusher can't find a cure, if I have to stay this way, nobody's going to take me seriously, are they?
TROI: I would say the people that know you and have worked with you, will be able to make the adjustment eventually. But there are some people who would find it difficult to accept a twelve year old captain.
PICARD JR: In that case, I suppose I'll just have to wait until I grow up again before I get another command. Which might be in ten, maybe fifteen years. The question is what to do until then?
TROI: You're still a Starfleet captain. I'm sure there are other assignments you could be given in the interim.
PICARD JR:: I've spent thirty years of my life aboard starships I'm not about to sit behind a desk now.
TROI: You could return to the Academy. Take another degree. Brush up on your Latin.
PICARD JR: And be Wesley Crusher's room mate? I will admit that returning to the Academy does have a certain appeal, but I've spent my life looking forward. Going to the Academy again feels like looking backward.
TROI: Then perhaps you could spend the time exploring another interests. Archeology, for instance.
PICARD JR: Leave Starfleet?
TROI: Not permanently, just a sabbatical. You could spend a few years crawling through caves and digging up artefacts, and still have enough time to become the youngest admiral in Starfleet history.
PICARD JR: It would give me a chance to take up Doctor Langford's offer and accompany her to the ruins on Suvin Four. But to leave the Enterprise.
TROI: In a way, you're very lucky. You might have a chance do what most people can only dream about. Have a second childhood without the pain of growing up again.
[Crusher's office]
CRUSHER: This is Captain Picard's rybo-viroxic-nucleic structure from a tissue sample I took this morning. It's the same as a sample I took before the accident, except it's missing several of the key viroxic sequences.
RIKER: It's been a long time since I took genetics, Doctor.
CRUSHER: RVN is one of the key factors in our development during puberty. Unlike DNA, which never changes, RVN takes on some additional viroxic sequences during adolescence. Those sequences determine how we develop physically.
RIKER: Without them we would never mature into adults.
CRUSHER: Exactly. Somehow, those sequences were eliminated in the Captain and the others during transport.
RIKER: So what do we do?
CRUSHER: Well, we have a couple of options. These are the plants Keiko was carrying on the shuttle. Whatever turned the crew into children turned these plants into seedlings. I accelerated the growth on one of them, and it developed into a perfectly normal adult plant.
RIKER: I don't suppose that would work with people?
CRUSHER: No, but at least we know that if we do nothing at all, they will probably grow up just as they did before.
RIKER: That's one option.
CRUSHER: However, I do have the adult RVN patterns of all four of them. I might be able to send them back through the transporter pattern buffer and replace the missing sequences. But we can't even attempt that until we know why this happened in the first place. If somehow they were to lose more viroxic sequences.
RIKER: They would get even younger.
[Shuttlebay two]
LAFORGE: Chief, I got the sensor report on the shuttle break-up. It looks like the break-up began near the starboard bulkhead.
O'BRIEN: There're some bulkhead fragments over here.
LAFORGE: My visor's picking up some torsional stress damage, some micro-fractures. Hang on a second. What's this?
O'BRIEN: It looks like tritanium from the hull.
LAFORGE: Yeah, but look.
(Geordi crumbles it into dust)
LAFORGE: That's not tritanium anymore. Somehow the molecular structure of this alloy's been changed, broken down into its constituent elements.
O'BRIEN: No wonder the bulkhead shattered.
LAFORGE: Yeah. I want to get a sample of this down to Engineering and run a metallurgical analysis.
[Ro's quarters]
GUINAN JR: Well, this is exciting.
RO JR: Would you rather be playing with dolls?
GUINAN JR: I'd rather be doing almost anything other than sitting here and watching you sulk.
RO JR: This isn't some kind of glorious second childhood, Guinan. Our bodies have been violated, changed. Doesn't that bother you?
GUINAN JR: Sure it bothers me, but at the moment I can't do anything about it. So I might as well enjoy it.
RO JR: Enjoy what? Where did you get the idea that being short and awkward is some kind of wonderful gift?
GUINAN JR: There must've been some part of childhood that you didn't loathe.
RO JR: Look, it was a long, depressing period of my life and I was grateful when it was finally over. I'd rather not relive it.
GUINAN JR: I bet you were a jumper. A jumper. You know, someone who jumped up and down on furniture all the time.
RO JR: What?
GUINAN JR: You were a jumper all right. The quiet ones, they always look so innocent. You think you can turn your back on them. Next thing you know, bam! They're bouncing on the bed.
RO JR: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Most of the time I didn't even have a bed.
GUINAN JR: Ah but you did have one sometimes and I bet you jumped on it.
RO JR: I most certainly did not.
GUINAN JR: Yeah I can see it in your eyes. You can barely resist the urge to leap up and start jumping around like a Tarkassian razorbeast.
RO JR: Guinan.
GUINAN JR: Oh yeah, oh yeah
(Guinan bounces on the bed)
RO JR: This is ridiculous.
GUINAN JR: That's right. And don't you dare join me, Ro Laren. You don't like jumping on beds!
RO JR: Oh yeah? I can jump higher.
[Engineering]
LAFORGE: We think the shuttle was caught in a molecular reversion field, which caused the structure of the ship to deteriorate. When the field penetrated the hull, it also began to affect the shuttle's crew.
O'BRIEN: When I tried to beam them off, I wasn't able to get a lock because the reversion field was masking part of the patterns.
CRUSHER: If the transporter only registered part of the RVN patterns, that would explain why the key sequences are missing.
LAFORGE: Exactly. With those key sequences missing, the transporter reconstructed them as children.
RIKER: If they're right, would you be able to use the transporter to reverse the effects?
CRUSHER: I think so. As long as there's no reversion field to mask their patterns, we should be able to do it. Chief, can you adjust the molecular imaging scanners to accept
WORF [OC]: Bridge to Commander Riker.
RIKER: Go ahead.
WORF [OC]: We are entering orbit around Ligos Seven, sir.
RIKER: On my way. We'll discuss this later.
[Bridge]
RIKER: Standard orbit, Ensign. Any sign of the science team?
DATA: We've been scanning the area since entering the system, but our readings are being disrupted.
RIKER: Cause?
DATA: Extreme fluctuations in the electromagnetic field. However, there is no evidence of stellar or seismic activity which would cause the interference.
RIKER: Any response to our hails, Mister Worf?
WORF: No, sir. I have been attempting to. Commander, two ships decloaking fore and aft. Klingon birds of prey, B'rel class.
(which promptly start firing at the Enterprise)
RIKER: Maximum shields. Take us out of orbit, Ensign. Mister Worf, prepare to return fire.
(Young Picard rushes out of his quarters at the Red alert)
RIKER: Damage report.
WORF: We've lost primary life support. Switching to secondary systems.
RIKER: Lock phasers on target bearing to port.
WORF: Phasers locked.
RIKER: Fire.
DATA: Minor damage to one ship. Its shields are holding.
WORF: Starboard power coupling is down. Warp engines are offline.
RIKER: Shields?
WORF: Down to thirteen percent.
(the ship takes more hits)
WORF: Casualties reported on decks twenty six and twenty seven.
DATA: Sensors and secondary generators are offline. Life support down to sixty seven percent.
RIKER: Engineering, status report.
[Engineering]
LAFORGE: Those last shots took out auxiliary power and emergency back-up. It's going to take at least an hour to get
[Bridge]
LAFORGE [OC]: Warp power back online.
WORF: We have lost shields. Heavy casualties on decks thirty five through forty.
DATA: I am detecting transporter signatures in three cargo bays. We are being boarded, sir.
[Corridor]
(Young Picard gets to a turbolift, and meets an armed Ferengi stepping out)
FERENGI: Come with me.
[Bridge]
RIKER: Initiate intruder alert. All security teams report to
(two Ferengi beam in)
BERIK: Put down your weapons.
(Worf fires, and gets shot for his trouble)
RIKER: Computer, deactivate all command functions. Authorisation, Riker Omega Three
COMPUTER: All command functions suspended.
(two more Ferengi enter)
MORTA: This is Morta. We have secured the Bridge. Begin transporting all able-bodied adults to the surface.
[Transporter room]
(O'Brien is under armed guard as Geordi and others are lead in)
FERENGI: Come on, get up there. Up, up.
[Bridge]
BERIK: They have locked out the command functions.
MORTA: You said they would not have time.
BERIK: You led the assault team. You were too slow.
MORTA: You dare to blame me!
(an older Ferengi enters)
BERIK: We have secured the ship, DaiMon, but Morta's incompetence has denied us access to
MORTA: My incompetence? DaiMon, you know that I am
LURIN: Enough. Where is the Captain of this ship?
RIKER: I'm in command of this vessel. Who are you and on whose authority do you
LURIN: I am DaiMon Lurin and I declare this ship to be a loss and open to claim according to the Ferengi Salvage Code. You will cooperate with our salvage operations or we will begin executing your crew.
[School room]
(Picard is thrown into the room, and the children are left unguarded)
PICARD JR: Is everyone all right?
RO JR: No fatalities or injuries among the children. The Ferengi have taken control of main Engineering and decks twenty three through thirty seven.
PICARD JR: We have to assume they've also taken the Bridge.
KEIKO JR: Captain, do you know what they've done with the younger children? With my little girl?
PICARD JR: They're taking all the adults down to the surface. It looks like they're keeping all the children on board the ship. Where was your daughter?
KEIKO JR: In primary care on deck fourteen.
PICARD JR: She's probably still there with the others. I wouldn't worry. We need to regain control of the ship. Options?
RO JR: We could flood the ship with anesthizine gas.
PICARD JR: That's been locked out with the rest of the command functions.
RO JR: If they're typical Ferengi, they're probably very pleased with themselves by now. Maybe even getting a little overconfident.
PICARD JR: Agreed. They might think they don't need as much of their crew to hold the ship. We could use the element of surprise to give us a tactical advantage.
GUINAN JR: Tactical advantage? Jean-Luc, look at your team for a minute. We're children.
PICARD JR: We can't just stay here while our ship is being commandeered.
GUINAN JR: I'm not suggesting that we do. But we can't act as if we were still adults.
PICARD JR: What do you suggest we do?
GUINAN JR: We look like children. Maybe it's time we started acting like children.
[Ready room]
RIKER: I hope your profit margin's pretty high for this little adventure, because you're risking war with the Federation.
LURIN: We're not affiliated with the Ferengi Alliance. We are in business for ourselves. Yes, it will be highly profitable. For an investment of two surplus Klingon ships, a few repairs and some weapons, we've netted a Federation starship and her crew, not to mention a planet rich in vendarite.
RIKER: So that's what this is all about. What did you do with the science team that was on the surface?
LURIN: They have proved most helpful in extracting the mineral.
RIKER: You used them as slave labourers.
LURIN: The addition of your crew will greatly speed up the process. As for your ship, I'm sure that it will fetch a handsome price on the Romulan market. But before that can happen, we need to regain access to your central computer.
RIKER: You don't really think I'm going to help you.
LURIN: I think that the mines on Ligos Seven can be very hazardous. Now, how many people on your ship?
RIKER: One thousand fourteen.
LURIN: Very hazardous, Commander.
[School room]
(the classroom seven computer interface is a talking fish with a male voice)
COMPUTER: Hello. I'm the classroom computer system. What can I do for you, today?
PICARD JR: Computer, display interior security grid.
COMPUTER: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Would you like to play a game?
PICARD JR: No, I would not. Computer, display an internal schematic diagram.
COMPUTER: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Would you like to see some interesting plants or animals?
GUINAN JR: It's a child's computer, remember? Computer, can you show me a picture of the inside of the Enterprise?
COMPUTER: Yes, I can. The Enterprise is a Galaxy-class starship. Do you know how to spell Enterprise? E N T E
PICARD JR: Delete audio. All right, this'll have to do. We're here. there's a service conduit that runs to here and then leads to a Jeffries tube here. But you and Ensign Ro will still have to cross this corridor before you can get to main Engineering.
(Ro and Keiko take the hatch off the crawlway)
RO JR: Captain.
PICARD JR: Excellent. Ready? Make it so.
(Ro and Guinan crawl in, then Picard's leg is hit by a large radio-controlled toy vehicle)
PICARD: What the devil?
ALEXANDER: I was just playing. I'm sorry, Captain.
PICARD JR: Alexander, would you mind if I borrowed your toy for a little while?
ALEXANDER: Go ahead.
PICARD JR: Thank you.
(he puts it in the crawlway)
PICARD: After you.
(Keiko enters the crawlway and Picard follows)
[Transporter room]
(the toy runs into the room, bumps against the Ferengi's foot, then leaves again. The Ferengi follows it)
[Corridor]
(Picard and Keiko see the Ferengi leave, and go into the transporter room)
[Transporter room]
KEIKO JR: I've got the phasers, Captain.
(the pair leave just before the Ferengi comes back round the corner carrying the toy and tries to make it work)
[Jefferies tube]
RO JR: This is the first time these Jefferies tubes haven't seemed cramped.
GUINAN JR:: How much farther do we have to go?
RO JR: About fifty metres. Don't tell me you're tired.
GUINAN JR: I'm not as young as I used to be.
[Crusher's office]
(Alexander knocks on the glass and runs away. The Ferengi gives chase)
[Sickbay]
(Alexander gets some hypos from a drawer)
[Jefferies tube]
(the girls climb down a short ladder)
RO JR: This is it. Main Engineering. Now we wait.
[School room]
(Alexander returns)
PICARD JR: Report?
ALEXANDER: Mission accomplished, sir. The one in sickbay never saw me.
PICARD JR: Very good.
KEIKO JR: I'd say we're ready. Have you figured out how to get to the Bridge?
PICARD JR:: I'm afraid I can only think of one way.
[Corridor]
BERIK: What do you want?
PICARD JR: I need to see my father.
BERIK: Go back inside.
PICARD JR: I need to see him right now.
BERIK: Do not argue with me. Go back inside.
PICARD JR: I need to see him now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Stop it! You've hurt me! I want my father! I want my father!
BERIK: All right. Just stop that.
[Observation lounge]
PICARD JR: Let me go!
BERIK: Here he is. Now be quiet!
RIKER: What is going on?
PICARD JR: Dad!
(and throws his arms around Riker's waist)
RIKER: So, son, how are you?
PICARD JR: I'm okay.
RIKER: And how are your friends, Keiko, Guinan and Ro?
PICARD JR: They're okay too. But
RIKER: What's wrong?
PICARD JR: We don't have anything to do. None of the games are working.
RIKER: I know. The Ferengi made Daddy turn off the main computer.
PICARD JR: Can't you just turn on the kid's computer in schoolroom eight? We just want to play a few games.
RIKER: I don't know if they'll let me do that, Jean-Luc, but I will ask.
PICARD JR: Thanks, Number One. He's my number one Dad.
[School room]
CHILD: Here they come.
KEIKO JR: How did it go? Did Commander Riker get the message?
PICARD JR: He understood. We should have access very soon.
[Ready room]
LURIN: Come in.
LURIN: I understand your son was here to see you.
RIKER: That's right.
LURIN: We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship.
RIKER: Then I suppose that's your loss. We consider our families one of our strengths.
LURIN: I think you will find that they can also be a weakness. Unless you release the computer to our control, I will execute every child on this ship, beginning with yours.
RIKER: Even you wouldn't be that cruel.
LURIN: It is cruel to put children in danger by bringing them aboard a starship in the first place.
RIKER: All right. Just so you don't harm my son.
LURIN: You will release the computer and show Morta exactly how to use it.
[Bridge]
(at a science station)
RIKER: Computer, release command control this station. Authorisation, Riker Omega three.
COMPUTER: Command functions restored.
RIKER: Okay, Morta. The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processing cores, cross-linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat. fourteen kiloquad interface modules. The core element is based on an FTL nanoprocessor with twenty five bilateral kelilactirals, with twenty of those being slaved into the primary heisenfram terminal. Now you do know what a bilateral kelilactiral is?
MORTA: Well, of course I do, human. I am not stupid.
RIKER: No, of course not. This is the isopalavial interface which controls the main firomactal drive unit. Don't touch that. You'll blow up the entire firomactal drive.
MORTA: What? Wait. What is a firomactal drive? Just explain it to me.
RIKER: That is the firomactal drive unit. It controls the ramistat core and also keeps the ontarian manifold at forty thousand KRGs.
(and with his other hand he puts sneaky commands into the computer)
RIKER: The firomactal drive is powered by
[School room]
PICARD JR: Command lockout has been released. Accessing transporter. Weapons deactivation programme is in place. Transporter security field standing by. We're ready.
[Transporter room]
(Alexander's toy has been equipped with a comm. badge. When it bumps into the Ferengi this time, he and his weapon are beamed away to another transporter pad with a working forcefield)
[Engineering]
RO JR: Tag!
GUINAN JR: You're it!
(they put comm. badges on the backs of the Ferengis and they go to join their colleague)
[Corridor]
BERIK: Yes?
ALEXANDER: I found this in the school room. Is it yours?
(the comm. badge is activated as he hands it over. Bye, bye, Berik.)
[Corridor]
(Keiko hypos a Ferengi into unconsciousness)
[Corridor]
(Picard leaves the schoolroom)
PICARD JR: That's all of them except for the two on the Bridge. Wait here until I return.
ALEXANDER: Yes, sir.
[Bridge]
RIKER: So, one more time. The ramistat kiloquad capacity is a function of the square root of the intermix ratio times the sum of the plasma injector quotient.
(Picard enters, distracting Morta. Riker knocks him out)
[Ready room]
LURIN: Come in.
(Picard enters with a phaser)
PICARD JR: I believe you're in my chair.
Captain's log, stardate: 46236.3. We have taken Lurin and his men into custody. The Ferengi Alliance has quickly disavowed any knowledge of these renegades. With the mining operation closed and our crew back on board, we can now turn our attention to other problems.
[Transporter room]
O'BRIEN: Phase inducers activated. Energy levels nominal.
CRUSHER: I'm loading the adult patterns into the buffer.
O'BRIEN: Transposition matrix locked in. That should do it, Captain.
PICARD JR: Energise.
(the youth dematerialises, and the adult materialises. He checks his hairline.)
CRUSHER: How do you feel?
PICARD: I feel fine. Everything seems a little smaller.
[School room]
(Ro is drawing when Guinan enters)
RO JR: It's my mother. The funny thing is, I never really drew a picture of her when I was young. It's just, for some reason I wanted to now.
GUINAN: That's the wonderful thing about crayons. They can take you to more places than a starship.
RO JR: It's my turn, isn't it?
GUINAN: Only if you're ready.
RO JR: It's not quite as bad as I remembered it. Being a child, I mean. Well, we'd better get going.
GUINAN: Well, what's the hurry? I mean, the transporter will still be there. Why don't you pass me the royal blue.
RO JR: Here.
GUINAN: Thank you. Did you do this one too?
RO JR: I did all of them.
GUINAN: All of them?
2024-09-12 00:31:41 -
Pike:
Added the transcript.
